As I write...

As I write this I can barely see the screen for the tears...

There are some things in life that can break a heart...

There are some things that fuel the monsters inside my heart...

The hate...I hate me...I hate that I am here...I hate that I fucking exist...I hate that I'm never fucking good enough...I hate that I have to learn this lesson over and over again...

There are some things that are like a fucking hammer to the heart...a knife that stabs in already wounded places...never letting them heal...

it hurts...and it hurts on top of past things and recent things...proof for what happened last month...

Probably better that happened and probably deserved it...

Usually, there is apart of me standing over my little one berating her for something, screaming at her for some perceived screw up, or something she should have done better...demanding perfection...demanding... but tonight...all is quiet...its just the little one...broken on the floor again...alone...in the dark...in a corner...crying...silent tears...that is all that flow from her heart anymore...

Silent tears that scream as they slide down her checks...

and turn to red puddles...

As I write...

Alone...